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July 29, 2010 - Another landmark in sports television history occurred last night as famed cricket batsman Reginald von Manchester announced his intention to sign a long-term contract with Derbyshire Consolidated, spurning efforts from his hometown Rotherham Herons to resign him.
Speaking live in a program dubbed “The Determination” to dozens of faithful viewers across the world watching on Cricket Sports 1 (CS1), von Manchester said he felt compelled to leave Rotherham in order to secure the greatest chance to win the Keith Richards Cup, awarded annually to the top cricket squad in the United Cricket Alliance (UCA).
“I am going to take my abilities to the East Midlands,” von Manchester told CS1 reporter Ace Pitchley. “After much thought and discussion with my dear papa, I have determined that Derbyshire will allow me the greatest opportunity to win several Richards Cups.”
The two-and-a-half time winner of the King George I Trophy, awarded twice annually to the top individual batsman in the UCA, will join an elite-level player in Derbyshire bowler Frederick Burgeron, who has enjoyed two Richards Cup wins after moving to the UCA from the Quebec League of Cricket three seasons ago.
“I personally cannot wait for Reginald (von Manchester) to join Derbyshire,” Burgeron was quoted as saying in the Derbyshire Times-New Roman. “Knowing that a batsman the likes of him needs to join me in order for Richards Cup success is a great personal achievement.”
Also joining the Derbyshire Consolidated squad will be batsman Harry Back, whose talents led the Normandy Squires to several near-playoff appearances.
Meanwhile in Rotherham, Herons fans have not taken kindly to the news, with Rotherham team owner Alexis Van Der Steen sending out several explicative-laced messages via Twitter.
“I cannot believe that good-for-nothing so-and-so left. That tweedle-dum can go jump in a lake as far as I’m concerned,” Van Der Steen tweeted in his most obscene message.
This morning, the Rotherham Herons held a press conference to announce their pursuit of the Nerdlucks from Space Jam, hoping to teach them the game of cricket.
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