“We looked at our distribution lines for the northeast sector, and concluded the New York location would serve that area most efficiently,” said a spokesman for the Minnesota based company. “Some of our biggest pork consumers live in the greater New York area. Since those towers are gone, this site offered lots of room for expansion, besides being centrally located.”
Market analysts were quick to point out there is no suitable local supply of swine to justify building the processing plant. Hormel addressed that issue, sharing a proposal to add a confinement hog facility adjacent to its packing plant that would produce over 100,000 hogs annually.
New York state representatives immediately expressed concern and alarm, noting that the confinement facility and packing plant would abut the proposed “Ground Zero” mosque on three sides.
“The United States is a large country,” a press statement said. “Hormel has the freedom to build their plant anywhere - why must they place it so near to holy ground? This is an attack on religious freedom - but more important, it goes against common sense.”
Followers of Islam believe that pork is unfit for human consumption. “Pork is sin and sickness,” said one Islamic web site. “Pig eats almost anything dirty and they are very lazy animals. Pimples, boils, cysts are common in pork eaters.”
Vince Farley, a truck driver for Hormel, voiced a different opinion. “Barbecued pork is the food of the gods... or at least Alabamans,” he said. “And biting into a juicy hunk of grilled Spam is a holy experience, I don’t care which way your ass points when you pray.”
In recent weeks, the area surrounding Ground Zero has become a commercial real estate bonanza. Other businesses submitting bids on lots include a liquor warehouse, massage parlor, and nativity scene manufacturer.
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