Protesters deface "Lupe" the Bass

The national attacks on statues reached Kerrville last weekend, when protestors desecrated the beloved symbol of the Texas state fish.

“Lupe” the Guadalupe Bass was painted over with graffiti saying “Eat more Chiken” and “Fish ain’t Food.”

Claiming credit was a group of Anti-Fishists, or Antifi.

“Fishists are using their reel privilege to exploit our natural resources for their selfish hunger for sweet, flaky fillets,” said Antifi spokes-human Charlie Starkeys. “We have actual footage of groups, including minor children, gathering along lakes and streams in an attempt to remove Fish of all species from their natural habitats.”

The Guadalupe Bass statue was erected in Louise Hayes Park in 2017 as a tribute to the “clear, rocky spring-fed rivers of the Hill Country,” home to 14 fish species, according to accounts at the time of installation.

The twisting fish includes hundreds of handmade mosaic tiles created by local residents, and is hailed as “an iconic symbol” of the community.

Citing the Guadalupe bass’s indigenous right to live in the area’s flowing streams, Starkeys called for reparations and respect for all fish lives.

“Fish should not come out of the water until they can do it on their own four legs,” Starkeys said.

The State Fish of Texas, the Guadalupe Bass, is actually a Mammal

by Nick Bottom, Special Correspondent to NNN (Not Newz Network)


KERRVILLE - State fish experts are baffled at the recent discovery that the state fish of Texas, the Guadalupe Bass (Micropterus treculii), is actually a mammal.

Several specimens caught between Ingram and Kerrville appear to have fully developed beards and mustaches. I. M. Scaley, fish expert with the Texas Parks and Wildlife, said the fish has a long history of fooling experts. "First off," he said, "we discovered it's not really a bass at all, but a member of the sunfish family Centrarchidae."

Still, being a sunfish instead of a bass is not enough to knock the Guadalupe (Sunfish) Bass from its coveted state fish designation.

The beards and mustaches, though, might be too much even for Austin politicians to overlook.

Like most mammals, it appears the Guadalupe (Sunfish) Bass has hair and gives live birth to its young. In addition, offspring are nursed by their mothers.

"It's just the darnedest thing," Scaley continues, "seeing those little ones suckling in a line on their mom."

At first the fish researcher didn't want to tell Austin about the recent discovery. "There's a certain amount of pride in having a local fish designated as the state fish," he said. But the hairy specimens kept showing up at the research station. One, a female, even had blonde, braided hair. "The braid was about 4 inches long, the finest hair you ever saw," according to Scaley. When the controversial website Wikileaks (www.wikileaks.com) obtained photos of the so-called fish, Scaley knew it was time to come clean. "I called Austin and told them what we'd discovered."

There's still hope, though. The state flying mammal is the Mexican Freetail Bat. "That animal isn't even from here," according to Scaley. "Perhaps we can have the Guadalupe (Sunfish) Bass named the state's swimming mammal."