Sunday, September 18, 2011

Woman builds grottos to her 5 husbands

September 19, 2011 - Cleo Patrick has found a unique way to honor the five husbands she has lost over the past decade. The Frisco widow has built an elaborate rock grotto in memory of each one.

Five solid rock arches, planters, benches, and crosses dot the widow’s suburban backyard. Patrick just completed her latest structure, a limestone barbecue, in honor of her fifth husband.

“I just find it therapeutic to work out my frustrations and anger by digging holes, stacking stone, and slinging mud,” she said.

All of her husbands have disappeared under mysterious circumstances. While police have suspected foul play, they have not been able to turn up any evidence that would stand up in court.

“We’ve dug into Patrick’s past, but just can’t find anything that places her as a suspect,” said Detective Sander Adams, who was enjoying a hamburger hot off Patrick’s latest project. “It’s like they were just swallowed up by the earth.”

Shortly before the loss of her first husband, Patrick signed up for a “Building with Rock” course offered at her local community education center. After he disappeared one spring day, Patrick built her first project - a stone bench - utilizing the skills she learned there, with the help of her instructor, whom she later married.

“I find that a good marriage - like a good grotto - starts with a solid foundation,” Patrick said. “First you have to dig deep, then fill in the hole with several feet of cement. That way no old skeletons can come up; and no marriage can fall down.”

Patrick is currently engaged to Detective Adams, who is eager to help his new wife start on her latest project.

“She’s drawing up plans for a fish pond,” said Adams. “I’m hoping I can be a part of that project.”

Monday, September 12, 2011

Save Inn has earthquake

Sept 12, 2011 - Diners at a local restaurant in Kerrville got a real shake up on Tuesday when they heard a loud boom and felt the tables shaking. Some residents believed it was an explosion at the nearby gas station, but officials with the U.S. Geological Survey say, no, it was an earthquake that registered .6 on the Richter Scale.

“We were just finishing up the lunch special when we felt the table shake,” said Vic Hammit. “I just sat there, watching the salt shaker shift over about a quarter of an inch.”

Waitresses quickly restored calm and served everyone a free cup of peach cobbler.

USGS officials pinpointed the epicenter of the quake under the front steps of the popular restaurant. The incident was extremely localized, with no effects felt at nearby businesses.

With global warming and redistricting, experts predict more of these localized earthquakes. “You might be sitting in your Lazy Boy recliner, and feel a temblor, while your spouse on the couch would be unshaken,” said one official. “We’ve even seen cases where a mini-quake shakes up someone’s bowl of Cheerios while a bowl of oatmeal at the same table doesn’t even quiver.”

In other news, across town, diners on the patio at Francisco’s experienced a severe thunderstorm.