Wednesday, January 1, 2020

Texas running out of names for wineries

The number of wineries in Texas has outstripped the list of good names, according to a surprise statement issued by the Texas State Comptroller’s Office last week.

“Wineries are springing up around the state in alarming numbers, and the list of possible names is dwindling,” said spokesperson Grady Rath.

The most popular names for wines have come from the nature world. According to Rath, these types of names inspire confidence in the product and take advantage of the pride Texans have in the Lone Star State.

“All the best natural names are already gone,” said Rath. “Oak, stone, rock, cactus, pine, anything to do with mountains or hills, and every river name has been used. That includes the animals–armadillos, mustangs, hawks and eagles, even jackasses have been tapped to lend their names and personalities to existing wines.”

Over the past decade, the popularity of Texas wines has led to a rapid expansion in the number of wineries, especially in the Hill Country area. That pace of growth is threatened as vintners scramble to lock down a name that will look good on a label, and be whimsical enough to stand out to the millions of visitors to the region.

“Yeah, you can’t go to market with a name like Screw Cap Cabernet or Stained Tooth Tempranillo,” said Drew Blanks, owner of Cattle Guard Winery. “Our typical client doesn’t really care what’s in the bottle, it’s the name of the wine that makes the sale.”

Rath is starting to see hints of the desperation in finding names by new owners.

“I already have applications on my desk from new owners wanting to name their wines after 16th century poets, classic TV game shows, and auto parts.”

In other news, the Texas Wine Association has announced an initiative to locate a winery within one mile of every Hill Country resident by 2025.

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