Person spotted actually using church labyrinth

 

A man was reportedly spotted using this labyrinth next to the Episcopal church last Saturday.
He walked off before we were able to interview him.

A man was spotted standing inside the Episcopal church’s long-unused labyrinth on Saturday. The well-maintained circle of stones and gravel has been a landscaping element for churchgoers since 2015. However, until this weekend, no one has ever been recorded actually using it.

 

The man declined to be interviewed, and when he noticed he was being filmed, he turned and walked across the paths and disappeared in the trees.

 

When asked for comment, the pastor said, “I’ve never really understood the purpose of it. I mean, it’s so much easier to walk straight to the center instead of going round in circles. You can easily just step over the stones. We’re actually thinking of turning it into a bocce ball court.”

Protesters deface "Lupe" the Bass

The national attacks on statues reached Kerrville last weekend, when protestors desecrated the beloved symbol of the Texas state fish.

“Lupe” the Guadalupe Bass was painted over with graffiti saying “Eat more Chiken” and “Fish ain’t Food.”

Claiming credit was a group of Anti-Fishists, or Antifi.

“Fishists are using their reel privilege to exploit our natural resources for their selfish hunger for sweet, flaky fillets,” said Antifi spokes-human Charlie Starkeys. “We have actual footage of groups, including minor children, gathering along lakes and streams in an attempt to remove Fish of all species from their natural habitats.”

The Guadalupe Bass statue was erected in Louise Hayes Park in 2017 as a tribute to the “clear, rocky spring-fed rivers of the Hill Country,” home to 14 fish species, according to accounts at the time of installation.

The twisting fish includes hundreds of handmade mosaic tiles created by local residents, and is hailed as “an iconic symbol” of the community.

Citing the Guadalupe bass’s indigenous right to live in the area’s flowing streams, Starkeys called for reparations and respect for all fish lives.

“Fish should not come out of the water until they can do it on their own four legs,” Starkeys said.

Is liver a cure for COVID?

People across the country are reporting remarkable resistance to the COVID-19 virus just by adding liver to every meal. Lucinda O'Quinn, a home economist with Wisconsin AgriLife, has been collecting reports and compiling anecdotal evidence of the effectiveness of the treatment.

"We are hearing dramatic reports from people whose diets include an abundance of liver that they are at lower risk of acquiring the virus, and if they do, of recovering more quickly," she said.

Scientists are working to identify the active ingredient that attacks the virus. Meanwhile, diners still need to consume liver in its original form, an arduous task for many.

"Liver is definitely an acquired taste," O'Quinn said. "Our research shows that 98% of the population loathes the taste and texture of eating liver in any form."

Evidence is showing that liver prepared in any way is effective, including fried chicken livers and turkey livers with gizzards in dressing. However the most dramatic results are coming from calf liver sliced and fried with onions, as commonly served at in cafeterias and small-town lunchrooms.

"You just can't beat the effectiveness of a slab of fried liver smothered in onions, next to a pile of mashed potatoes and peas," she said as she prepared to go to lunch. "Further research is required."

That may be more difficult than she hopes, going by the reaction of people we approached.

"No way I'm touching liver," said one cafeteria diner. "I'd rather get the disease."

In related news, supermarkets are limiting purchases of raw calf liver to 20 pounds per customer.

Texas running out of names for wineries

The number of wineries in Texas has outstripped the list of good names, according to a surprise statement issued by the Texas State Comptroller’s Office last week.

“Wineries are springing up around the state in alarming numbers, and the list of possible names is dwindling,” said spokesperson Grady Rath.

The most popular names for wines have come from the nature world. According to Rath, these types of names inspire confidence in the product and take advantage of the pride Texans have in the Lone Star State.

“All the best natural names are already gone,” said Rath. “Oak, stone, rock, cactus, pine, anything to do with mountains or hills, and every river name has been used. That includes the animals–armadillos, mustangs, hawks and eagles, even jackasses have been tapped to lend their names and personalities to existing wines.”

Over the past decade, the popularity of Texas wines has led to a rapid expansion in the number of wineries, especially in the Hill Country area. That pace of growth is threatened as vintners scramble to lock down a name that will look good on a label, and be whimsical enough to stand out to the millions of visitors to the region.

“Yeah, you can’t go to market with a name like Screw Cap Cabernet or Stained Tooth Tempranillo,” said Drew Blanks, owner of Cattle Guard Winery. “Our typical client doesn’t really care what’s in the bottle, it’s the name of the wine that makes the sale.”

Rath is starting to see hints of the desperation in finding names by new owners.

“I already have applications on my desk from new owners wanting to name their wines after 16th century poets, classic TV game shows, and auto parts.”

In other news, the Texas Wine Association has announced an initiative to locate a winery within one mile of every Hill Country resident by 2025.
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Dollar Tree theft has major economic impact

May 23, 2017–Fredericksburg Police Dept. reported a break-in and theft over the weekend at the Dollar Tree located at Hwy 290 West.

Authorities estimated the total financial loss to be around $187.

A thief or thieves entered the store in mid-afternoon on Friday. Witnesses reported seeing a 10-foot enclosed trailer backed up to the store’s front door around 2:30 pm.

“Yeah, we just thought it was Dollar Tree people getting ready for the holiday weekend,” said Genie Auel, who was walking out of Altos de Jalisco. “They looked like they worked there.”

The impact on the community will be significant, according to store manager Justin O’Toole.

“They cleaned out nearly half of our inventory,” O’Toole said. Besides the financial loss , O’Toole expressed concern for his regular customers. “With the Fourth of July coming up, we are really worried about our regulars who expect the Dollar Tree to serve their need for red, white, and blue paper napkins, glitter centerpieces, and pastel flip-flops for those Fourth picnics. It’s also going to be tough on families needing cleaning supplies and one-ply paper towels.”

The thieves were uninterrupted in their crime spree, as the store had no customers at the time and the lone checker was on break.

Misdirected March on Washington

Iowa City, Iowa–Some muddled directions led to a mixup for a local political action group.

A busload of activist women boarded a Greyhound bus in this Iowa university town on Saturday with the intent of joining the throngs marching on the nation’s capitol. Instead of Washington, D.C., the driver took them to Washington, Iowa, a small county seat about 60 miles away.

As the marchers spilled from the bus, there was confusion all around. One rider was heard to comment, "That didn’t take as long as I expected."

On the courthouse steps, local farmers stopping by to pay their property tax bills were speculating on why 80 young women were dropped in their town square.

"The election is over, and the county fair isn't until August," said one.

The misdirected marchers decided to make the best of it, and marched around the square seven times to symbolize the Seven Sisters that are used to symbolize everything from liberal arts colleges to a globular cluster.

By the end of the laps, the women met locals over herbal tea at The Coffee Corner. Plans are to make it an annual event.

"There are nice folks here," said a spokesperson. "Plus, the trip is shorter and they have a lovely fountain."

Ethnic group to protest Cracker Barrel name

August, 2013–Crowds plan to gather outside a popular Texas restaurant next weekend, and it won’t be to line up for Grandpa's Country Fried Breakfast®.

No, this meal mashup is part of a nationwide protest against the Cracker Barrel Restaurant chain. Neil Daly, President of White Hispanics & Tan Europeans (W.H.I.T.E), is leading the effort.

Daly–noting the national hoopla over the racist and demeaning names of sports teams such as the Redskins, Braves, and Chiefs–is focused on removing “racist” names of the popular restaurants that line the national interstate highway system.

“They call it Cracker Barrel, for goodness sake!” said Daly, who claims English-Irish descent. “How can they name a restaurant ‘Cracker?’ We all know what that means. It is a demeaning putdown of the newest minority of Texans. Don’t tell me it’s a coincidence. Just step inside any Cracker Barrel anywhere and what do you see? A bunch of older white people eating grits, buying pecan logs, and listening to Boxcar Willie CDs. Don’t tell me that’s not stereotyping.”

A Cracker Barrel spokesman dismissed any racial undertones in the name of the restaurant.

“When our founder chose the name Cracker Barrel, he was referring to the old general store practice of selling crackers, pickles, and sewing needles in large barrels placed by the counter,” the spokesman said. “While we realize the meanings of words change, we didn’t expect there to be any problem with the word ‘cracker.’ Now, ‘crack’ we were worried about. We were afraid patrons might equate that with meth labs, which are often found within a few blocks of many of our restaurant locations. Or ‘Morning Sampler.’ But not ‘cracker.’”

Daly noted that protesters plan to slow down the already “measured” service, by taking longer to decide on whether to order home fries or hash browns with the pancakes on their The Cracker Barrel Country Boy Breakfast®. Protesters also plan to stand outside the front doors of the busy restaurants. Or, as Daly explained, “We might sit in those wooden rocking chairs. Our protestors are a bit older and those rockers are mighty comfortable.”

Even with the access to comfortable seating, Daly cautions this won’t be a quick fix.

“We realize we are facing a big challenge with these methods, as it will be hard to detect any difference from a typical customer experience at Cracker Barrel. But we are willing to make some sacrifices to finally get rid of the ‘C’ word.”

The group does not plan to stop at protesting Cracker Barrels. Daly listed possible future targets such as White Castle, Pale Ale, and any establishment that calls itself a “honkytonk.”

Bookless Library clever use of Stimulus Funding

by Nick Bottom

While some complain that the recently-renovated Butt-Holdsworth Memorial Library has shed about 20% of its books, writing letters to the editor and generally complaining, few realize how clever the culling of those books really is.
"Sure, we've had to part with some great books," said Tommy E. Reader, head librarian, "like most of Dickens, Tolstoy, and Jackie Collins. But the absence of books is only part of the real story."
Indeed, many library patrons, after visiting the shiny new library have remarked the renovations look great, but have asked, "Where are the books?"
It seems a little-known part of the massive federal stimulus bill provides funding for libraries to remove books.
"It's a little like the farm subsidy program," the head librarian noted. "Instead of getting paid not to plant a crop, we're getting paid to not shelve books."
In fact, the library staff has grown since the remodeled library re-opened.
"With these federal dollars rolling in, it made sense to hire more folks, especially in these hard times. A job is a job. When the federal government will pay you to not shelve a book, we figured we could also get paid to not check out a book, not repair worn books, and not point out books to patrons seeking information or enlightenment."
The future looks bright at the bookless library. Since the non-books do not take up space, nor weigh anything, there are plans to open up branch libraries in the future.
A branch library containing, say, 100,000 non-books would take up the same amount of space as a small linen closet. "We hope to open a branch in every neighborhood in the county," said Reader. "Of course, they'll be small branches, but they'll have the same number of books as the main library."
And since the non-books have no weight, several bicycle-based "Bookmobiles" are planned.
"Just imagine all the kids we will be able to serve this summer," he continued.
"Imagine children running to the book-mobile bicycle, smiles on their faces, being able to take home as many non-books as they imagine they can hold."
Bookless libraries are just the start of a great economic trend. In fact, many school districts are studying the idea of student-less school districts, while local governments are hoping to adopt politician-less city councils.

Woman builds grottos to her 5 husbands

September 19, 2011 - Cleo Patrick has found a unique way to honor the five husbands she has lost over the past decade. The Frisco widow has built an elaborate rock grotto in memory of each one.

Five solid rock arches, planters, benches, and crosses dot the widow’s suburban backyard. Patrick just completed her latest structure, a limestone barbecue, in honor of her fifth husband.

“I just find it therapeutic to work out my frustrations and anger by digging holes, stacking stone, and slinging mud,” she said.

All of her husbands have disappeared under mysterious circumstances. While police have suspected foul play, they have not been able to turn up any evidence that would stand up in court.

“We’ve dug into Patrick’s past, but just can’t find anything that places her as a suspect,” said Detective Sander Adams, who was enjoying a hamburger hot off Patrick’s latest project. “It’s like they were just swallowed up by the earth.”

Shortly before the loss of her first husband, Patrick signed up for a “Building with Rock” course offered at her local community education center. After he disappeared one spring day, Patrick built her first project - a stone bench - utilizing the skills she learned there, with the help of her instructor, whom she later married.

“I find that a good marriage - like a good grotto - starts with a solid foundation,” Patrick said. “First you have to dig deep, then fill in the hole with several feet of cement. That way no old skeletons can come up; and no marriage can fall down.”

Patrick is currently engaged to Detective Adams, who is eager to help his new wife start on her latest project.

“She’s drawing up plans for a fish pond,” said Adams. “I’m hoping I can be a part of that project.”

Save Inn has earthquake

Sept 12, 2011 - Diners at a local restaurant in Kerrville got a real shake up on Tuesday when they heard a loud boom and felt the tables shaking. Some residents believed it was an explosion at the nearby gas station, but officials with the U.S. Geological Survey say, no, it was an earthquake that registered .6 on the Richter Scale.

“We were just finishing up the lunch special when we felt the table shake,” said Vic Hammit. “I just sat there, watching the salt shaker shift over about a quarter of an inch.”

Waitresses quickly restored calm and served everyone a free cup of peach cobbler.

USGS officials pinpointed the epicenter of the quake under the front steps of the popular restaurant. The incident was extremely localized, with no effects felt at nearby businesses.

With global warming and redistricting, experts predict more of these localized earthquakes. “You might be sitting in your Lazy Boy recliner, and feel a temblor, while your spouse on the couch would be unshaken,” said one official. “We’ve even seen cases where a mini-quake shakes up someone’s bowl of Cheerios while a bowl of oatmeal at the same table doesn’t even quiver.”

In other news, across town, diners on the patio at Francisco’s experienced a severe thunderstorm.

Texas couple calls for ban on straight marriage

Aug 13, 2011 - Texans Lester and Marie Hackberry have started a grassroots campaign calling on Congress to ban heterosexual marriage.

The Jasper couple, who have been married 42 years, have hired an attorney and begun contacting media outlets to promote their issue.

“We see the double standard in our culture,” said Lester. “Gay couples have enjoyed non-marriage forever; we believe us normal, God-fearing Americans should have that same right to live together without being under contract by the state.”

An attorney for the Hackberrys listed the benefits that accrue to gay couples.

“Look, they can live together without the commitment and fear that a legal, binding marriage certificate creates. When they get tired of each other, they don’t have to go through a lengthy and contentious divorce; they just go find another partner. They don’t have to have kids. They enjoy two incomes, and they agree on how to shop. What married couple wouldn’t love that setup?”

There has been a mixed reaction from the one local gay couple that lives in Jasper, who agreed to be interviewed without giving last names. “It just doesn’t seem fair,” said Herb. “I mean, the one institution we gay couples enjoy in this country is the right to not be married. It’s practically in the constitution, and definitely in the Baptist bible. Straight couples should just stick to their vows and not mess up things for the rest of us.”

Herb’s partner, Theodore, takes a different view. “I say, if straight people want to break the bonds of matrimony, who are we to stop them? Let them not eat cake.”

For Marie and Lester, the dream of non-marriage, while tempting, remains elusive. “I look at our gay neighbors, grilling on the deck, entertaining other couples, changing partners, not having to visit their sick spouses in the hospital, and I say, Why can’t we straight folks enjoy relationships like that? No, we are stuck ‘til death do us part.’ Modern marriage is slavery!”

In a related story, a white couple is lobbying to bring back slavery. “We’ve lost our jobs, our home is under water, and Slim’s Motor Sales repossessed our Jeep. At this point I’d pay to be somebody’s slave. At least we’d have a job, a place to sleep, and know where our next meal was coming from.”

When Cactus Attacks

Aug 7, 2011 - The prolonged drought in the Southwest has produced another problem: Killer Cacti.

According to cactus experts, when water grows so scarce that even the drought-resistant cacti are threatened, they call on a rare evolutionary protective process known as “root mobility.”

“Certain cactus species are able to produce new roots on one side of the plant, then releasing the corresponding root on the opposite side,” said Allen Green, USDA Cactologist. “This in effect allows them to migrate - actually move - across the ground, seeking a new source of moisture.”

Unfortunately, this moisture is often contained inside the human body. While normally a human can easily outpace a crawling cactus, Green has documented cases of campers in the desert being attacked by thirsty cactus plants. While this has not resulted in any fatalities, victims retain scars where the cactus roots worked their way under the skin into the bladder.

“It isn’t pretty, and can be very uncomfortable.”

Green recommends not leaving children or the elderly outside on hot days, as they are especially at risk due to their relative immobility.

Cacti are notoriously hard to kill. It not as simple as hacking through the spines until you reach and sever the roots. If you toss aside a cactus pad - or nopalito - in a few days it will develop roots and start a new plant. Like the mythical hydra, chopping off a head just creates two new ones.

What do experts recommend?

“Well, we don’t have many choices,” Green said. “Either we get some rain, or consider moving inside the Arctic Circle. They don’t have cactus there, just rogue seals.”

More Americans illegally crossing into Mexico

August 3, 2011 - Federal agents have documented an increased number of illegal border crossings along the South Texas - Mexico border.

“Si,” said Agente Federal Jose Fernandez. “We are catching all these gringos trying to sneak into Mexico to find work.”

Federal agents surmise that due to the problems in the U.S. economy - debt ceilings, low value of the dollar, high unemployment - that American workers are now looking with envy on their Mexican counterparts.

One U.S. citizen who was being returned by Border Patrol agents north of the border confirmed this. “Yeah, I was tired of seeing these Mexican workers parading up and down my subdivision in their brand new F-150s, talking on their iPhones, and wearing their new leather custom made cowboy boots. I decided I want in on some of that peso action.”

Mirroring the decades long pattern of Mexican citizens crossing in the shadows, Americans are following the same route, only in reverse. A recent night patrol revealed dozens of northerners wading south across the Rio Grande.

“And with the drought, they are barely getting their feet wet, let alone their backs,” said Fernandez.

Mexican citizens are evenly split on this new southward flow. Some welcome the influx of those who are willing “to do the jobs we won’t do” such as selling insurance, designing software, and marketing consulting.

Others are increasingly impatient with the influx of American workers. “We have to order our lattes in English now,” said one Nuevo Laredo Starbucks customer. “If they want to come to Mexico, they need to speak Mexican.”

Rapture takes local musician

May 21, 2011 - At 6:01 p.m. Central Daylight Time cowboy musician Doug Davis was taken up from this couch on his porch, where he had been sitting to watch events unfold. Friends soon gathered. Most often heard comment was, "Which way did he go?"
About a dozen of his most ardent fans expect him back in three days.

ICE to use "velvet" deterrent for border security

May 15, 2011 - In a stunning development, the Obama administration has moved to bring out a more powerful weapon in the war to secure the U.S. southwest border.

Following President  Obama’s appearance and speech on immigration in El Paso, Immigration and Customs Enforcement Director John Morton declared his department will deploy “velvet rope” to head off U.S.-bound aliens.

“We know this may raise hackles among our southern allies, but the problem has gone beyond control by conventional methods,” Morton said. “Walls, weapons, and more border agents are proving ineffective. It is time to show Mexico and the world we are serious about controlling our borders.”

As proof of the power of velvet rope, Morton pointed out that it is the same caliber of rope used in Driver’s License offices and airports across the country. “Have you ever seen anyone dare to cut through that velvet maze? It just can’t be done.”

An added advantage is that installing rope goes much faster than building 18-foot concrete and steel walls. Workers have already begun stringing rope between pylons in the Brownsville to Laredo sector. Work should be completed by fall.

To fund the installation, employees stationed at “unhooking” points will assess a “cover charge” for entering the U.S.

In a related development, Secret Service agents are experimenting with replacing concrete barriers surrounding the White House with orange traffic cones.

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Kerrville lake gets new name

April 25, 2010 - Kerrville city council has voted on a proposal put forward by councilman Scott Gross to christen the body of water that lies in the heart of downtown Kerrville with a more appealing name.

The popular lake is a result of the Upper Guadalupe River Authority damn, hence it is known as UGRA Lake, pronounced “Ugra Lake.”

“That is only a short way from ‘ugly’ lake,” said Gross, who is also a marketing expert. “We needed a name that presents a more positive image to citizens and visitors.

The area will now be known as “Gross Lake.”

Police uncover journalist sweatshop

March 15, 2011 - Sheriff’s deputies in Bandera County have uncovered a newspaper “sweatshop” operating just over the Kerr County line.

Last week officers received an anonymous tip that recent journalism school graduates were being lured to the hill country on the promise of winning a Pulitzer prize, when in reality they were forced to write articles for a chain of local newspapers.

“It was horrible,” said one victim who did not want to reveal her identity. “They forced us to report on city council meetings, write articles about benefit barbecues, and even take photo after photo of stock show winners! Nothing in J-school could have prepared us for that trauma!”

Social workers descended on the nondescript building to calm the abductees and take statements. According to reports, they found nearly unbearable conditions. Among the issues were flickering florescent lights, uncomfortable chairs, non-ergonomic keyboards and computer screens with glare. “I wouldn’t let an eight grade typing class meet in this place,” said one agent. “And they were expected to work 60 hours a week and turn out a new issue every Wednesday. I hope someone pays for this.”

Another reporter spoke about the low pay. “I worked two straight weeks, including weekends and overtime,” he said. “My paycheck? $800. That is barely minimum wage. And I have a four-year degree from a state university. I could make more money teaching.”

State investigators are considering pursuing charges against the owners, who at press time have yet to be located.

Authorities expect to find similar sweatshops across the state as newspaper circulation dwindles and students choose more lucrative professions. For a recent graduate, these offers are tempting when faced with unappealing options of school PR or Social Networking Consultant.

“We grew up hearing about Woodward and Bernstein and dreaming of carving out our own reputations in the newspaper business,” one victim said. “When a publisher comes along and offers you the chance to write articles for a living, you have to jump at it.”

Victims were transported to an area hospital where they were treated for paper cuts, neck strain, and nearsightedness.

Fredericksburg proposes Dirt Park

March 15, 2011 - In response to a petition being circulated by Fredericksburg residents protesting the proposed “water park” facility, the Fredericksburg City Council has come up with a new plan: a “dirt park.”

According to Dirt Industries Group (DIG), the soil-based recreational facility will create the same “play value” at a fraction of the cost of a water-based installation.

“What kid doesn’t enjoy playing in the dirt?” said Syl E. Conn, CEO of Dirt, Inc. “We deliver that universal level of play at an economical price.”

According to the Dirt engineers, a typical installation consists of Dirt Mountain - a pile of dirt; Dirt Hill - a smaller pile of dirt; and Mud Valley - a dirt and water filled depression. Children are able to slide down the piles of dirt, or make “mud pies” in Mud Valley. An optional feature is Dust Valley - a pile of sand and loose debris that is swirled with random blasts of hot air.

“Research shows that the play value of dirt is about 75% of the play value of water. But maintaining a dirt-based recreational area incurs only about 1% of the cost of a swimming pool/water park. So it is easy to see the logic of going down the dirt road.”

The council expects to put the proposal to a vote at the next scheduled meeting. Once the proposal passes, the City will solicit bids from area dirt purveyors. Once a vendor is selected, the Dirt Park could be installed “in about a day,” according to the city manager.

“Shoot, we’d just back up the truck and dump a couple of piles of soil,” he said. “That shouldn’t be too much trouble at all.”

Assuming the Dirt Park will be a success, city planners are already looking at installing a complementary Rock Park. “If there is one thing we have more of than dirt around here, it would be rocks,” one official said.

Congressional detritus arrives in Kerrville

by NotNewz contributor Mr. Nick Bottom, Weaver

Kerrville, Feb 15, 2011 - A specially-designed 18-wheel truck arrived in Kerrville this morning, bringing treasures and information from the Library of Congress as part of its tour to cities and towns across America. Beginning in September 2010, the "Gateway to Knowledge" rolling exhibition is visiting up to 60 sites in states across the Midwest and South.
The truck, staffed and driven by two docents well-versed in the Library and its collections.
Some of the items found in the display include:

• Martha Washington's teeth. George Washington's teeth are a fairly passé historical relic. But have you ever seen Martha's? Make sure to ask to see the grill she wore for special occasions.
•  A jelly bean rejected by Ronald Reagan. This bean, momentarily tasted by our 40th president, was found to be too "liberal." ("Tastes like public broadcasting," the Gipper is reported to have said.
• Correspondence between Winnie-the-Pooh and Smokey the Bear. See for yourself the misery endured by these two ursine symbols, and the comfort they found in their long friendship.
• A rock. Unknown origin or significance.
• Aaron Copeland's kazoo. A fine example of German engineering, this Berlitz kazoo is tuned to the key of F flat.
• A plinth made of granite.
• An early Walt Disney cartoon is shown on the half hour in the sunken theater located in the traveling display's basement. Some scholars suggest the cartoon, entitled "Spiderman" suggests Disney is the creator of Betty Boop and Dagwood and Blondie.
• A walking cane made of peppermint candy.

And of course hundreds of other historical objects, some of them genuine, but all hauled across the country at great expense.
Admission is free, since each American has already paid a $17 entrance fee on last year's taxes.

TXDOT to consider light rail roller coasters

Jan 1, 2011 - A San Antonio inventor has come up with a new plan to get more Texans on board for the commuter light rail proposal linking major Texas cities. The idea came to Sam Penway while he was attending the Kendall County fair last fall.

“I was watching all those people lined up to get on the carnival rides,” he said. “I got to thinking about what gets people excited about getting on a train. The answer is nothing. That’s when I figured out the idea for light rail: a roller coaster.”

The backyard tinkerer went to work and has spent the past year putting together a prototype to show the Texas Department of Transportation at upcoming hearings.

“It’s nothing real fancy,” he explained. “I just ran some rail around my sheds, and put in a few loops just to show them what it could do.”

TXDOT has already acquired right-of-way for a rail line between San Antonio and New Braunfels. Penway is hoping they will use that to install his “Blue Flash” coaster.

“Once folks get in and remember how much fun it is to ride again, I think we’ll see these spread across the state.”

TXDOT officials have not commented on Penway’s proposal, although observers noted the department has added several former carnival workers to its staff.