Fredericksburg proposes Dirt Park

March 15, 2011 - In response to a petition being circulated by Fredericksburg residents protesting the proposed “water park” facility, the Fredericksburg City Council has come up with a new plan: a “dirt park.”

According to Dirt Industries Group (DIG), the soil-based recreational facility will create the same “play value” at a fraction of the cost of a water-based installation.

“What kid doesn’t enjoy playing in the dirt?” said Syl E. Conn, CEO of Dirt, Inc. “We deliver that universal level of play at an economical price.”

According to the Dirt engineers, a typical installation consists of Dirt Mountain - a pile of dirt; Dirt Hill - a smaller pile of dirt; and Mud Valley - a dirt and water filled depression. Children are able to slide down the piles of dirt, or make “mud pies” in Mud Valley. An optional feature is Dust Valley - a pile of sand and loose debris that is swirled with random blasts of hot air.

“Research shows that the play value of dirt is about 75% of the play value of water. But maintaining a dirt-based recreational area incurs only about 1% of the cost of a swimming pool/water park. So it is easy to see the logic of going down the dirt road.”

The council expects to put the proposal to a vote at the next scheduled meeting. Once the proposal passes, the City will solicit bids from area dirt purveyors. Once a vendor is selected, the Dirt Park could be installed “in about a day,” according to the city manager.

“Shoot, we’d just back up the truck and dump a couple of piles of soil,” he said. “That shouldn’t be too much trouble at all.”

Assuming the Dirt Park will be a success, city planners are already looking at installing a complementary Rock Park. “If there is one thing we have more of than dirt around here, it would be rocks,” one official said.