Committee proposes new function for Schreiner Mansion

Sept 25, 2010 - The Committee studying uses for the Charles Schreiner mansion on Earl Garrett Street in downtown Kerrville has proposed repurposing the historic landmark into a brothel.

The proposal caused spirited discussion among committee members. Proponents listed the benefits of starting a brothel:

- increased foot traffic downtown
- needed employment for entry-level workers
- boost in sin tax revenues

“A brothel would also cater to the large retiree population in town,” said a local physician. “This age group would benefit most from the increased exercise.”

Those opposed to the idea questioned the expense of converting the 100-year-old structure. Supporters noted there would be minimal remodeling required. “The decor in the mansion kind of looks like a whorehouse already,” a committee member said.

Advocates also pledged to pursue economic stimulus funding. “If this project isn’t stimulating, I don’t know what would be,” said one supporter.

Word of the new mission for the mansion has already led to an increase in economic activity, as several pharmacies are reportedly vying to lease retail space across the street.